3.5 grams psilocybe cubensis, nitrous oxide
EEG biofeedback at P3 & P4, 8-11 Hz
Light machine (Sirius) on deep meditation setting (#11)
Did my usual daily 40 minutes of vipassana before dosing.
I had been trying to perfect the low-dose psilocybin + cannabis + nitrous oxide kind of thing for a while, but having gotten pretty thoroughly acquainted with that approach, and having gotten to oneness many times by that method, I decided to revisit a somewhat higher dose of psilocybin, and also return to EEG biofeedback. Nitrous oxide was sipped every other breath or so once the trip started to take off. I don't believe I had tried a non-obliteration dose of nitrous oxide in this setting before, so this was new.
This trip was significant in that I felt this was the first time I had genuine hallucinations. I have certainly encountered some weird stuff before, the most startling of which was very fleeting, but mainly I would classify the effects to be distortions of existing reality as opposed to entirely imaginary realms.
In the metaphor of my mind, it was clear that I was wanting to gain access to the "control room" as it were in this office, but at this point early in the trip it seemed unattainable - denied access by the corporate bureaucracy. It was a modern office space, beautiful in its own way, high in the sky, all the glass with black mullions, modern office furniture, largely empty but with the occasional secretary. But it seemed clear that I was not going to get in to see the boss.
Not too long after that, I experienced some kind of alien world, with large, organic, amorphous alien life. But by that time the game was up and I realized everything was myself.
Not really any shadow material this time, I was probably in a high enough dose range for me to sidestep it, although over the course of many low dose trips I've become very comfortable with all that stuff. There are some feelings which I associate with a kind of wholesome family vibe, something nurturing, that I got to explore a bit, perhaps notable in the wake of Thanksgiving. I've never really thought about having kids, but there is something in there that could almost get me to turn the corner. I have found the past few months of psychedelic experimentation to be a very useful form of therapy.
I do like doing the biofeedback, it may be a weak effect but it's nice to throw into the mix. This time I found myself struck by the power of the psilocybin, as sometimes even the nitrous seemed to have little effect, which is pretty amazing if you've had any experience with it.